Poem from our forthcoming Fringe show

I’m embarking on my first foray into kids entertainment at the Edinburgh Festival this year. I’m working alongside the excellent comedians Martin Mor and Paul Curie. Despite a fair bit trepidation I’m sure it will be a great experience. Here’s a wee poem that will feature in the show…


Kaled the Dalek was a sad death machine.

You daren’t beat him at football cos he’d death ray the team.

At scholl they were terrified of his weird Dalek voice.

Extermination to death was his number one choice.


I am supreme he quite likes to gloat.

But shouting death threats gives him a sore throat.


Kaled the Dalek was rubbish at Rounders.

Catching balls with a plunger meant he did flounder.

With the other hand a ray gun he was no good at drumming.

But if you had a blocked sink he was a dab hand at plumbing.


I am supreme he quite likes to gloat.

But shouting death threats gives him a sore throat.

What Kaled yearned for was to meet one like himself.

Who looked like a pepper pot and was a threat to your health.

So he put up an advert with an online dating website.

Elegant glider, diligent worker good in a fight.

For love I could change, for that I could warm.

A wee bit short tempered, typical Capricorn.


I am supreme he quite likes to gloat.

But shouting death threats gives him a sore throat.


But no one answered this Daleks plea for love.

And from his single telescopic eye a tear he did blub.

But how do you help a Dalek feel loved good and proper?

He nearly wiped out a planet when they said see the Doctor.


Author: johnscottcomedy

John has been involved in comedy for 17 years. Here's some nice things people have said..... GLASGOW HERALD. Given that we’ve had indyref, a general election and Jeremy Corbyn since the last Edinburgh Fringe, you might expect there to be more self-confessed “political” comedians around this year. Oh, a lot of acts will dip a toe in “UKIP are nasty” shallows, but it takes someone like John Scott to dive in head-first and punch every hideous sea creature he meets right between the eyes. Before you know it, he’s chewed up and spat out austerity, Margaret Thatcher, the paedophile scandal, benefit fraud, racism, class, homophobia, Mhairi Black and a sneezing attack on a bus (ok, the last one isn’t strictly political, but it is a great anecdote, so worth a mention). He reserves a special venom for Tony Blair and the invasion of Iraq but somehow, filtered through his comedy-club delivery, it doesn’t feel like a soapbox diatribe or a trendy-leftie ticking off: this is political comedy built from the grassroots up, an informed opinion column with a spiky sense of humour. Alan Morrison THE LIST. “Confidently told hilarious tales of class-based woe, nothing missed the mark in a superb set where every story was expertly crafted before being subverted with a killer punch line. After practicing comedy for five arduous years, expect to see his name somewhere big very soon.” THE SUN. “John Scott is an excellent comic and this is without doubt the first step on the road to a long and successful career in comedy." EDINBURGH EVENING NEWS. “ Always plays a blinder. Never hits a dry patch. People were literally in tears of laughter.” THE OBSERVER. “Among the top 5 comics emerging from Scotland.” THE SKINNY “A genuinely gifted comedian.” ADELAIDE ROCKS. “Superb! The stand out stand up of the evening.” 100% BIKER “Possibly the funniest Scotsman alive.”

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