Did An Immigrant Steal Your Job. No It Was Tesco.

There’s a joke I sometimes do which unlike many of my jokes and stories is based in 100% fact. It goes thus…”I was on the road and found myself in a Tesco supermarket in Wales. As I was putting through my small amount of groceries the young man on the checkout asked if I had a loyalty card? I said I didn’t as there wasn’t a Tesco near where I lived. Really? He exclaimed surprised, Where do you live? I replied, well I’m not telling you otherwise when I get up in the morning there will be a bloody hypermarket at the end of my garden.”

Sadly and ironically since I wrote that short routine there is now a Tesco in the area. It’s about 5 minutes walk from the end of my garden, so I suppose that’s a slight victory.

What’s this got to do with immigrants/Tesco stealing our jobs? I’ll try to explain.

As we know our supermarkets are reliant on farmers. In recent years it’s become acutely obvious that farmers tend to rather employ foreign immigrants to do the heavy labour of harvesting plumbs or carrots etc. The number one reason they give for this, “British folk just wont do the work”

Now there may be a few reason us Brits might be reluctant to do this work but things like having to live in a hut onsite with 20 other folk, you don’t get paid for extra hours and what you do get paid (most of which will go to a rip off landlord) means you probably have to again ironically visit a foodbank despite the fact you’ve been handling the bloody stuff all day. Even UKIP agree these workers are treated badly.

But the idea that Brits are unwilling to do hard work is daft. Have you ever been on an Oil Rig? Did you meet many Bulgarians? No of course not. British folk like any other type of folk are perfectly happy to work in severe conditions as long as the wages are good.

So why is the farmer encouraging such push down economics and doing us all out of work? Well because that’s the only way he can just about stay in profit. Profit margins in farming are now very small. The reason for this is their customer i.e. the likes of Tesco exploit global markets and force them to put the price further and further down. Why get a carrot from Surrey when I get a cheaper one from Lithuania. In a way businesses like Tesco pretty much see people like carrots. And treat them likewise.

Surely this should result in cheaper groceries. Err…no, not now and not ever. Because Tesco then take the massive profits they make from this ideology and share it amongst executives and shareholders. 20 years ago a ton of wheat cost 180-200 pounds. Now it costs around 100. Yay cheaper bread! No. Not for you anyway. But for the executives and shareholders, well you know what they say… Every Little Helps…big style.

Surely our MPs should intervene. What and appear “anti business” Are you mad? Try putting up prices? What in a such a low wage economy as ours. There’d be bread riots!

It’s nuts isn’t it. I can actually sympathise with large sectors of folk that are worried about immigration because it affects those at the bottom more than anybody. I think there’s a ton of folk out there that are anti immigration not because they don’t like foreigners but because the country they live in keeps slamming their faces against a poverty wall. It worries me personally because if this arty farty lifestyle of mine were to stop. I’d be in that group. So tell us your work experience for the last 10 years Mr Scott. Err…telling jokes. OK, well now that, that’s gone have you ever considered fruit picking?

So what does the government do to help those at the whim of these merciless economics? We demonise them. Yeah that’s you ya scrounger. Here’s a tenner for a days work now why don’t you fuck off and take out a mortgage on an empty crisp packet.

I suppose the clues in the title…super…MARKET.

Author: johnscottcomedy

John has been involved in comedy for 17 years. Here's some nice things people have said..... GLASGOW HERALD. Given that we’ve had indyref, a general election and Jeremy Corbyn since the last Edinburgh Fringe, you might expect there to be more self-confessed “political” comedians around this year. Oh, a lot of acts will dip a toe in “UKIP are nasty” shallows, but it takes someone like John Scott to dive in head-first and punch every hideous sea creature he meets right between the eyes. Before you know it, he’s chewed up and spat out austerity, Margaret Thatcher, the paedophile scandal, benefit fraud, racism, class, homophobia, Mhairi Black and a sneezing attack on a bus (ok, the last one isn’t strictly political, but it is a great anecdote, so worth a mention). He reserves a special venom for Tony Blair and the invasion of Iraq but somehow, filtered through his comedy-club delivery, it doesn’t feel like a soapbox diatribe or a trendy-leftie ticking off: this is political comedy built from the grassroots up, an informed opinion column with a spiky sense of humour. Alan Morrison THE LIST. “Confidently told hilarious tales of class-based woe, nothing missed the mark in a superb set where every story was expertly crafted before being subverted with a killer punch line. After practicing comedy for five arduous years, expect to see his name somewhere big very soon.” THE SUN. “John Scott is an excellent comic and this is without doubt the first step on the road to a long and successful career in comedy." EDINBURGH EVENING NEWS. “ Always plays a blinder. Never hits a dry patch. People were literally in tears of laughter.” THE OBSERVER. “Among the top 5 comics emerging from Scotland.” THE SKINNY “A genuinely gifted comedian.” ADELAIDE ROCKS. “Superb! The stand out stand up of the evening.” 100% BIKER “Possibly the funniest Scotsman alive.”

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