A Sleaford Mods outlook on Modern Comedy.

To celebrate the release of a fantastically vitriolic new Sleaford Mods LP this week I’ve written this little ditty as to what I imagine their outlook on modern comedy would be. Please understand no opinions here are mine, they are that of an imaginary Sleaford Mods song….

PANELLED TO DEATH.

How much corporate cock do I suck?

To get on that fucking week that you mock?

How much corporate cock can I take?

My banter can’t get scanter but there’s money there to rake.

Mediocrity prevails.

They’re laughing in the aisles.

The open spot he’s bailed.

Time to fuck of back to Wales.

All artistries set sail.

It’s all gone Daily Mail.

The Booker he’s in jail.

Your wages they have failed.

Some cunt pockets all gross sales.

I’ve got a great idea for a pilot with those Radio 4 celebs.

Really? Here’s my old school tie. Fucking hang yourself you pleb.

But I’ve got observations about shopping centres and bedsit renters, I’m not a dissenter!

Would make a really good presenter.

Jimmy Tarbuck he’s delighted he’s got the final laugh.

Jack Whitehall’s king of comedy to a soulless demograph.

Back in clubland stags and hens ignore an embittered Jock

Hitting air with edgy punchlines all told to an inflatable cock.

How much corporate cock do I suck?

To get on that fucking week that you mock?

How much corporate cock can I take?

My banter can’t get scanter but there’s money there to rake.

Ooh do you get food? Does it come with drinks as well?

Yeah whatever cunt, enjoy yourself. As the staff wish you on to hell.

I’m trying to find the answer.

Not be seen as just a chancer.

Why am I further down the bill

Than some fucking Polish dancer.

Royal variety.

Punchlines of piety.

An attack of anxiety.

Try not upset society.

ROYAL VARIETY.

ROYAL VARIETY.

ROYAL VARIETY.

How much corporate cock do I suck?

To get on that fucking week that you mock?

How much corporate cock can I take?

My banter can’t get scanter but there’s money there to rake.

Author: johnscottcomedy

John has been involved in comedy for 17 years. Here's some nice things people have said..... GLASGOW HERALD. Given that we’ve had indyref, a general election and Jeremy Corbyn since the last Edinburgh Fringe, you might expect there to be more self-confessed “political” comedians around this year. Oh, a lot of acts will dip a toe in “UKIP are nasty” shallows, but it takes someone like John Scott to dive in head-first and punch every hideous sea creature he meets right between the eyes. Before you know it, he’s chewed up and spat out austerity, Margaret Thatcher, the paedophile scandal, benefit fraud, racism, class, homophobia, Mhairi Black and a sneezing attack on a bus (ok, the last one isn’t strictly political, but it is a great anecdote, so worth a mention). He reserves a special venom for Tony Blair and the invasion of Iraq but somehow, filtered through his comedy-club delivery, it doesn’t feel like a soapbox diatribe or a trendy-leftie ticking off: this is political comedy built from the grassroots up, an informed opinion column with a spiky sense of humour. Alan Morrison THE LIST. “Confidently told hilarious tales of class-based woe, nothing missed the mark in a superb set where every story was expertly crafted before being subverted with a killer punch line. After practicing comedy for five arduous years, expect to see his name somewhere big very soon.” THE SUN. “John Scott is an excellent comic and this is without doubt the first step on the road to a long and successful career in comedy." EDINBURGH EVENING NEWS. “ Always plays a blinder. Never hits a dry patch. People were literally in tears of laughter.” THE OBSERVER. “Among the top 5 comics emerging from Scotland.” THE SKINNY “A genuinely gifted comedian.” ADELAIDE ROCKS. “Superb! The stand out stand up of the evening.” 100% BIKER “Possibly the funniest Scotsman alive.”

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