A Sleaford Mods outlook on Modern Comedy.

To celebrate the release of a fantastically vitriolic new Sleaford Mods LP this week I’ve written this little ditty as to what I imagine their outlook on modern comedy would be. Please understand no opinions here are mine, they are that of an imaginary Sleaford Mods song….

PANELLED TO DEATH.

How much corporate cock do I suck?

To get on that fucking week that you mock?

How much corporate cock can I take?

My banter can’t get scanter but there’s money there to rake.

Mediocrity prevails.

They’re laughing in the aisles.

The open spot he’s bailed.

Time to fuck of back to Wales.

All artistries set sail.

It’s all gone Daily Mail.

The Booker he’s in jail.

Your wages they have failed.

Some cunt pockets all gross sales.

I’ve got a great idea for a pilot with those Radio 4 celebs.

Really? Here’s my old school tie. Fucking hang yourself you pleb.

But I’ve got observations about shopping centres and bedsit renters, I’m not a dissenter!

Would make a really good presenter.

Jimmy Tarbuck he’s delighted he’s got the final laugh.

Jack Whitehall’s king of comedy to a soulless demograph.

Back in clubland stags and hens ignore an embittered Jock

Hitting air with edgy punchlines all told to an inflatable cock.

How much corporate cock do I suck?

To get on that fucking week that you mock?

How much corporate cock can I take?

My banter can’t get scanter but there’s money there to rake.

Ooh do you get food? Does it come with drinks as well?

Yeah whatever cunt, enjoy yourself. As the staff wish you on to hell.

I’m trying to find the answer.

Not be seen as just a chancer.

Why am I further down the bill

Than some fucking Polish dancer.

Royal variety.

Punchlines of piety.

An attack of anxiety.

Try not upset society.

ROYAL VARIETY.

ROYAL VARIETY.

ROYAL VARIETY.

How much corporate cock do I suck?

To get on that fucking week that you mock?

How much corporate cock can I take?

My banter can’t get scanter but there’s money there to rake.

Author: Mind Palaver

John and Elle are two voices, among many, advocating and living with acute mental health conditions.

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