1.Putting your penis in a dead pigs mouth.
2. Putting your penis in a dead pigs mouth in front of witnesses.
3. Putting your penis in a dead pigs mouth and having a photo taken for posterity.
4. Any student initiation ritual involving a dead pigs head.
5. Bacon sandwiches. (And photographers)
6. Prime Ministers question time (for the next month or so at least.)
7. Jewish festivals.
8. George Orwells Animal Farm. (Some pigs are more equal than others etc…)
9. The wife.
10. Pissing off major conservative party donors.
11. The dead pigs relatives.
12. Social media. (for the next 6 months or so at least)
13. The entire opposition apart from maybe Nick Clegg.
14. Sticking an apple in their mouth.
15. Frazzles (yes we all know how good they are…but really stay clear!)
16. Scotland (actually maybe the outdoors in general.)
17. Boris Johnson.
18. Getting stoned and listening to SUPERTRAMP??? (This really is weird behaviour. )
19. Bill Clinton.
20. Possibly the next election.
21. Definitely his next erection.
22. Selling very expensive pig sperm to the Chinese.
23. Any form of entertaining his children that involves pigs (Babe, Winnie the Poo, hey kids watch what I can do with this… etc…)
24. Telling lies (porkies)
25. George Osborn cocaine and prostitutes.
26. Mincing his words.
27. The Dewsbury County Conservative associations Pig Racing fundraiser.
28. Spam internet or tinned.
29. Kermit the Frog.
30. Puns involving words and phrases like, dispigable, boared, nose in the trough, it’s snout to do with me, Silence of the hams, etc…
And finally Rebecca Loos. More than anything…Rebecca Loos.