Communist berserker Jeremy Corbyn is rumoured to be at it again. Audacious work for a man already accused of killing kittens every time someone doesn’t eat their crusts, bathing in Panda blood and according to some sources saving all his farts in a jar to only have them released on Jewish holidays.
According to a new book by an anonymous donor to The Conservative party who goes under the codename Daveham, Jeremy Corbyn was involved in a bizarre initiation ritual while becoming leader of an elite dinning club known as The Labour Party.
It is said that while attending a dinner of the shady Labour groups inner sanctum, strict vegetarian Corbyn turned down several attempts by other party members of trying to get him to pose for photographs with a private part of his anatomy in a dead pigs mouth.
Instead Corbyn deflected attention away from said ritual by apparently stating, “Look you lot, you’re not getting me like that. How about we all just calm down and scrap nuclear weapons instead?”
Rather than have the desired calming effect, this statement apparently sent this privileged group into some kind of posh person frenzy with many of the members swapping their red ties for a more off yellow colour. Apparently inner sanctum code for we’ll do whatever we want regardless of public opinion.
Corbyn is then rumoured to have said, “Well fuck off to the Lib Dems if you want. You wont be missed. Look just calm down. I reckon renationalising the railways will be hugely popular. In fact I’m quite popular. How can I be unelectable when I just got elected by the biggest majority in the history of modern politics?”
At this point the Labour group were said to have flown into a frenzy, chanting “Don’t say another fucking word or we’ll have you killed by MI6”
Once Corbyns complete silence was assured he was surrounded and everyone burst into a rousing chorus of The National Anthem whilst photographing Corbyns non commitment.