Obama Accuses Putin Of Needlessly Using The N Word During Rap Battle.

President Barack Obama has today accused the Russian President and stalwart of the Better Together campaign Vladimir Putin of needlessly using the N word during a rap battle summit on foreign policy.

In a heated exchange covering Russian targets in Syria, the Ukraine, how to helpfully bomb people and who looks best with their shirt off it is rumoured Putin opening rap gambit went along the lines of, “ Yo Motherf**ker.  I ain’t sayin’ let’s go Nuclear.  But who armed ISIS is like totally unclear!”

Obama retorted that this was a pretty lame start to a rap battle, but was willing to concede that nothing really rhymes with the N word Nuclear.  However, he also added that in his personal opinion and experience as a member of the people community that it was really below the belt to use the Nuclear word due to the distress it causes to wide groups of nearly everybody.

After agreeing they’d reached an impasse it was decided to start again. After losing the coin toss Obama was nominated to go first.  He shot from the Presidential hip and was said to be,” Rhyming like a bitch.” Below is a transcript of the event.

OBAMA. (ON THE SUBJECT OF THE N WORD) “There ain’t no word that comes any biggah! Starts with an N…say it to the wrong guy…Ends with a triggah!”

PUTIN:  “For rhyming it appears you’ve got a knack. Not a bad effort cos you’re not really black!”

OBAMA.  “Can we get back to the subject of the Bomb. I’m not the only brother that’s had sex with your mom.”

PUTIN.  “When it comes to sex I can go all day! But you’ll never find me at a wedding that’s gay!”

OBAMA.  “Look we really need to jive on what to do with ISIS. I’ll go for the obvious and say now it’s a crisis.”

PUTIN. “Yo, you rhyme like a junkie high on crack. I’ll say it now, I’ll say it proud, The U.S.S.R. is BACK!”

After these opening gambits the battle pretty much descended into jibes about who was the most heterosexual. Talks are to resume with a fresh rap battle on Israel and who shot Tupac next month.

Author: johnscottcomedy

John has been involved in comedy for 17 years. Here's some nice things people have said..... GLASGOW HERALD. Given that we’ve had indyref, a general election and Jeremy Corbyn since the last Edinburgh Fringe, you might expect there to be more self-confessed “political” comedians around this year. Oh, a lot of acts will dip a toe in “UKIP are nasty” shallows, but it takes someone like John Scott to dive in head-first and punch every hideous sea creature he meets right between the eyes. Before you know it, he’s chewed up and spat out austerity, Margaret Thatcher, the paedophile scandal, benefit fraud, racism, class, homophobia, Mhairi Black and a sneezing attack on a bus (ok, the last one isn’t strictly political, but it is a great anecdote, so worth a mention). He reserves a special venom for Tony Blair and the invasion of Iraq but somehow, filtered through his comedy-club delivery, it doesn’t feel like a soapbox diatribe or a trendy-leftie ticking off: this is political comedy built from the grassroots up, an informed opinion column with a spiky sense of humour. Alan Morrison THE LIST. “Confidently told hilarious tales of class-based woe, nothing missed the mark in a superb set where every story was expertly crafted before being subverted with a killer punch line. After practicing comedy for five arduous years, expect to see his name somewhere big very soon.” THE SUN. “John Scott is an excellent comic and this is without doubt the first step on the road to a long and successful career in comedy." EDINBURGH EVENING NEWS. “ Always plays a blinder. Never hits a dry patch. People were literally in tears of laughter.” THE OBSERVER. “Among the top 5 comics emerging from Scotland.” THE SKINNY “A genuinely gifted comedian.” ADELAIDE ROCKS. “Superb! The stand out stand up of the evening.” 100% BIKER “Possibly the funniest Scotsman alive.”

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