Corbyn defeats Queen In Championship Hide and Seek finals.

 

Communist berserker Jeremy Corbyn narrowly defeated The Queen in this weeks national Hide and Seek championship finals.

After losing the toss her majesty was designated ”it” leaving Corbyn and fellow finalists to conceal themselves around Buckingham Palace. With this being a home game her majesty got off to a strong start. After her initial count to 63, one for every year she’s been on the throne, and may we be among the many to congratulate her majesty on the remarkable achievement of not dying, the game was on. Ready or not here one comes!

As an opening gambit Liz Regina had the national anthem played on full volume through the royal P.A. A cunning tactic that proved highly effective.  Within seconds Eamonn Holmes stood up revealing himself to be inside an 18th century large English oak mule chest coffer.

Then by following her finally attuned royal ear Kirsty Allsop was next up for the catch when she was discovered droning along to the words of God Save The Queen and hiding stereotypically behind some Renaissance drapery. “I just can’t understand why anyone would not join in with the anthem. But with some double sided sticky tape and a roll of vintage patchwork Rosalind Rose cotton you too can hide behind drapes just like these” remarked Kirsty. “Quite” Was the Queens terse reply.

But Corbyn was not to be tempted. If he was standing it wasn’t within Elizabeths eye line. And he has a strong track record on not being caught out by the lyrics.

The Queen then ramped up the pressure by announcing loudly, “Right! That’s it. I’m going to swear in the Privy Council.”

Was that a whisper of “Prior engagement” ironically coming from behind a vintage  Thomas Crapper Privy? Perhaps, but by the time her majesty threw the toilet door  open he was gone.

For her final tactic the Queen then threw on a state banquet and loudly exclaimed, “The Chinese President is heeeeeere!”

It seemed inevitable that Corbyn would leap from his hiding place and try to confront said President on his human rights record. Alack nay! The wily red had already arranged a prior meeting with said president on this very topic. Pretty underhand stuff, yet fairly typical behaviour for a man known to take 11 items through the 10 item checkout.

In the end the Soviet bastard that he is was announced winner.  He is yet to claim his prize of a late supper with MI6.

Author: Mind Palaver

John and Elle are two voices, among many, advocating and living with acute mental health conditions.

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