Corbyn defeats Queen In Championship Hide and Seek finals.

 

Communist berserker Jeremy Corbyn narrowly defeated The Queen in this weeks national Hide and Seek championship finals.

After losing the toss her majesty was designated ”it” leaving Corbyn and fellow finalists to conceal themselves around Buckingham Palace. With this being a home game her majesty got off to a strong start. After her initial count to 63, one for every year she’s been on the throne, and may we be among the many to congratulate her majesty on the remarkable achievement of not dying, the game was on. Ready or not here one comes!

As an opening gambit Liz Regina had the national anthem played on full volume through the royal P.A. A cunning tactic that proved highly effective.  Within seconds Eamonn Holmes stood up revealing himself to be inside an 18th century large English oak mule chest coffer.

Then by following her finally attuned royal ear Kirsty Allsop was next up for the catch when she was discovered droning along to the words of God Save The Queen and hiding stereotypically behind some Renaissance drapery. “I just can’t understand why anyone would not join in with the anthem. But with some double sided sticky tape and a roll of vintage patchwork Rosalind Rose cotton you too can hide behind drapes just like these” remarked Kirsty. “Quite” Was the Queens terse reply.

But Corbyn was not to be tempted. If he was standing it wasn’t within Elizabeths eye line. And he has a strong track record on not being caught out by the lyrics.

The Queen then ramped up the pressure by announcing loudly, “Right! That’s it. I’m going to swear in the Privy Council.”

Was that a whisper of “Prior engagement” ironically coming from behind a vintage  Thomas Crapper Privy? Perhaps, but by the time her majesty threw the toilet door  open he was gone.

For her final tactic the Queen then threw on a state banquet and loudly exclaimed, “The Chinese President is heeeeeere!”

It seemed inevitable that Corbyn would leap from his hiding place and try to confront said President on his human rights record. Alack nay! The wily red had already arranged a prior meeting with said president on this very topic. Pretty underhand stuff, yet fairly typical behaviour for a man known to take 11 items through the 10 item checkout.

In the end the Soviet bastard that he is was announced winner.  He is yet to claim his prize of a late supper with MI6.

Author: johnscottcomedy

John has been involved in comedy for 17 years. Here's some nice things people have said..... GLASGOW HERALD. Given that we’ve had indyref, a general election and Jeremy Corbyn since the last Edinburgh Fringe, you might expect there to be more self-confessed “political” comedians around this year. Oh, a lot of acts will dip a toe in “UKIP are nasty” shallows, but it takes someone like John Scott to dive in head-first and punch every hideous sea creature he meets right between the eyes. Before you know it, he’s chewed up and spat out austerity, Margaret Thatcher, the paedophile scandal, benefit fraud, racism, class, homophobia, Mhairi Black and a sneezing attack on a bus (ok, the last one isn’t strictly political, but it is a great anecdote, so worth a mention). He reserves a special venom for Tony Blair and the invasion of Iraq but somehow, filtered through his comedy-club delivery, it doesn’t feel like a soapbox diatribe or a trendy-leftie ticking off: this is political comedy built from the grassroots up, an informed opinion column with a spiky sense of humour. Alan Morrison THE LIST. “Confidently told hilarious tales of class-based woe, nothing missed the mark in a superb set where every story was expertly crafted before being subverted with a killer punch line. After practicing comedy for five arduous years, expect to see his name somewhere big very soon.” THE SUN. “John Scott is an excellent comic and this is without doubt the first step on the road to a long and successful career in comedy." EDINBURGH EVENING NEWS. “ Always plays a blinder. Never hits a dry patch. People were literally in tears of laughter.” THE OBSERVER. “Among the top 5 comics emerging from Scotland.” THE SKINNY “A genuinely gifted comedian.” ADELAIDE ROCKS. “Superb! The stand out stand up of the evening.” 100% BIKER “Possibly the funniest Scotsman alive.”

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