Conservative Christian.

So you’re a Conservative Christian

Gods Heaven is your future

To me you’re just a paradox

Like some vegetarian butcher

Did Jesus cure the cripple

With almighty power of kirk

Just to sanction all his benefits

‘Cos now he’s fit for work

2000 disability deaths

Of the lame you are a hater

I don’t think “blessed are the money lenders”

Were the words of our creator

So you’re a Conservative Christian

Because you go to church

Yet immigrants from holy lands

You’d like to give the birch

I don’t think Jeesy Peeps ethnicity

Sits well with Nigel Farage

Does this mean that you proclaim

“I’m a car” when standing in a garage

So you’re a Conservative Christian

Your Pro Life stance is nonsense

The stuff of fluff and gloss

For once we’re born into this world

You couldn’t give a toss

So on you go you hypocrite

Ring loud the old church bell

If your imaginary friend goes by his book

Well see you all in hell.

 

Mind Map

Recently I had a poem published. That was nice. I’m going to enter the same competition next year but for a full body of work I need around 60. So far I’ve got about…err…ten. (And describing some of them as poems is taking that term loosely) So am committing to this in earnest. The piece below came from a writing exercise around mind mapping…but I thought they made a nice collection of words.

MIND MAP.

As I map I think first of the senses of the head.
I am reminded of a joke, “Why do we have nightmares? Isn’t our brain supposed to be on our side?”
I think of youth and a heavy Sunday paper round while listening to The Smiths.
I love to dance, but not as much as I used to.
The countryside is where I grew up.
My mother is old and suffers arthritis.
I like applause.
Making people laugh is as much a duty as it is a joy.
I fight the bully. This was among my dads best advice.
I had a motorbike accident. Lucky.
After 20 years I finally quit smoking. Why did I do that to myself?

A Geordie Rhapsody.

I’ve posted this under poem but that’s stretching it. A bit of fun parody…

A GEORDIE RHAPSODY
(To the tune of the more famous one)
I’ve been to pick up cigarettoes for me mam.
Hole in roof of ma hoose
Got a problem with me cash flow
Sunderland is frightening.
They’re always bloody fighting me.
Canny pay no, canny pay no, canny pay no for ma loan
I’m just a Geordie from a poor family
He’s just a Geordie from a poor family
Blaming me wife for me burnt sausages
Easy come easy go will we score a goal
Oh why man no
We will not score a goal
Oh why man no
We never score a goal
Score a goal, score a goal
Nae, nae, nae, nae, nae, nae, nae
Bring us Keegan, Bring us Keegan
Bring us Keegan he scored goals.
Just leave us a stottie on the end
Of the sideboard please.
For me
Geordieeeeee.