Twitter Controversy. (280 Characters)

Oh we are the sentence managers.
With 280 characters.
We’re widening parameters.
Changing the word count barriers.
Celebrate, slide down the banister.
Or take up a job as a barrister.
No more cramming thoughts into a 140 character, orator, canister.
It’s now 280 characters. #280

The Young Conservative Rap.

With appearances at Glastonbury and support from the UK Grime scene  Jeremy Corbyn is making huge inroads with the youth vote. Rumours abound that Tory HQ are trying to figure out how to connect with UK “yoof” themselves. Apparently the Young Conservatives have even released their own rap.  

We are the Tories and we are street.
Well we are if your dad is one of the elites.
To get a majority we just weren’t able.
But if you shout strong we say stable.
Kids don’t wanna pay no student fees.
But there’s no magic money tree.
Unless you’re a member of the D.U.P.
Fuck the Pope.
He’s not dope.
There’s a poor person.
Have some soap.
Word.
Douglas Hurd.
Strong and stable.
Fuck the disabled.
You wanna hear more.
Shout fuck the poor.
Fuck the poor.
Fuck the poor.
Fuck the poor.
When it comes to cruelty we can’t beaten.
Cos we’re the toff massive and we come from Eton.
There’s no pay rise for the public sector.
We got the same principles as Hannibal Lecter.
If you can’t eat it’s us you thank.
Just get in line at the nearest foodbank.
We’re not really gangsta’ like Dr Dre
But we like running in the fields with Theresa May.
Been spending most our lives
Living in a tax haven paradise.
Of the NHS we shall be rid
To Richard Branson or the highest bid.
It’s all down to our homie Jeremy Hunt
Ladedadedumdum…yup he’s a c**t
One time
Two time
Three times and we stop your benefits.

 

 

 

Consume (poem)

This is a rewrite of something. Decided to enter a poetry slam so will open with this. A long time ago a woman called Thatcher decided we were no longer citizens we were consumers. The free market became the last word. I think we’re all getting pretty fed up with such philosophies.

 

I want I want I want it all
Work buy get paid
Hoping to get laid
Give me more stuff
As I work rest and get played
For that new phone
Over glass I would crawl
It’s only ever Adidas
Who get to kick at my balls
Gas coal black oil
The planet burns
The planet boils
Are we gonna screw it
Nike says Just Do It
If there is shit
Then we’re shovelling it
But we care not a bit
McDonalds says we’re loving it
Consume erode deplete
We’re not pioneers we’re sheep
I need I need I need Everything
G String nose ring
Grabbing at the gold and bling
Only drink that brand
Because It’s The Real Thing
Eat drink
Piss in the sink
Work hard play hard
For everything else there’s MasterCard
Royal variety
There’s no society
That’s the word of Thatcher
A nation full of bastards
Consumed by liars
be the biggest buyer
Tower block in London
Consumed by fire
Put a price on everything
Greed is good no more a sin
I have I have I have
All the best stuff
I bet he drinks Carling
Cos he looks kinda rough
Consume deplete
Live in compliance
This the rot
The Appliance Of Science
It’s a fairly safe bet
This is the worst a man can get
Advertising hoods
Finger lickin good
My health fuck it
Eat shit by the bucket
This credit card’s a git
Don’t leave home without it
We’re ravers and cravers
We’re masters and slavers
Lost sight of ourselves
Should have gone to Spec Savers
Does this fit that bit
Cashmere fine knit
Close pit job quit
Because we’re worth shit

 

 

 

Orange President. Orange Prime Minister. We’ve been Tangoed.

To be Tangoed as the adverts used to go was to receive a shock to the system, often by a slap to the face. Which is exactly what Theresa May’s proposals for our future Government has been to the British electorate. You remember Donald Trump massaging his special relationship with Theresa? It was all hand over hand with the threat of a locker room grab to the nether regions hanging in the air. I’ve heard to brighten up her general death like demeanour he advised she should turn Orange like him…I’m not sure forming a government with The DUP was what he meant.

Watching the election results come in the other night was a bit like watching a game of Rugby. There’s a lot of stuff going on that we don’t all exactly understand. Then you get to the end asking, “Did we win? It looks like we won! How come the opposition are getting a penalty in the dying minutes? I THOUGHT WE WERE WINNING!”

I don’t ask much from my future government but I do think it a bit important they all believe Dinosaurs were real. The DUP are putting it lightly a bunch of creationist knuckle draggers. Their manifesto is essentially the Bible with the bins going out every fortnight. Anti LGBT, Climate change deniers, anti catholic. Brexit no longer seems to mean Brexit. Brexit means F**k the Pope. They actually believe the European Union was a Papal conspiracy. It seems the Romans are still very much a threat in their minds.

They’re not so keen on women’s rights either. They’re Anti abortion and believe public breastfeeding is an act of exhibitionism. Obviously putting on a bowler hat and a sash while a full brass band belts out sectarian anthems is the work of shrinking violets.

I can only describe May’s desperate cling to power via the DUP as sociopathic. This is a woman who cares not a jot for consequence as long as she still gets to sit at the top of the table. Watching Theresa May right now is like watching a fart trying to be heard in a hurricane. Flailing around in her MayBot way chanting “Strong and Stable” as her programmers try desperately hard to try and figure out to make her user friendly. It’s impossible. She doesn’t like people. Her alliance with the DUP is actually illegal in regards to the terms of the Good Friday Agreement. A pact for peace in Ireland that the DUP refused to sign. It is also a threat to that peace and should be fought against at every turn over the coming weeks. Perhaps if we’re really nice to them Sinn Fein might choose to take up their seats in parliament and we can redress the balance. Jeremy Corbyn will drag us back to the 70s they cried. Well that doesn’t seem as bad as going back to the 1690s.

However this doesn’t mean all is lost. The exact opposite in fact. I’ve been a supporter of Jeremy Corbyn since before he was elected leader of the Labour Party. I always believed if we got his name on the ballot paper then his policies would chime with the electorate. I believed this because of what the SNP achieved in Scotland and think we owe them a decent nod for bringing compassion back into mainstream politics. The Tory smear campaign against Corbyn in the election was abhorrent. To attempt to label a decent man as a terrorist sympathiser while we were under attack from terrorists was below the lowest of the low. However now that the Tories are having to for a Government with the DUP…well these accusations seem to have…ahem…blown up in their faces. I really did enjoy the Tweet from the Police Federation page that said, “It’s not the amount of MPs you have Theresa it’s what you do with them. You have to do more with less.” How poignant.

For now Corbyn and the SNP wait in the wings. They look like they’re going to play the long game. I don’t think the changes that are coming are some kind of a flash in the pan either. If you look at what’s happening globally voices of the left are coming in from many areas. I think the changes that are coming to this island will be as seismic as the changes Thatcher ushered in and will probably last as long.  The future’s bright, the future is NOT Orange.

 

Populism (A very short and rather basic poem)

POPULISM (A very short poem)

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

Repeat until elected…

 

Cobwebs (Poem)

Had that dream again…wrote a poem.

There are certain cobwebs that just cannot be reached
And as I wake from dreaming you’re back here among the sheets
Over years the dream it changes as the mind rewinds
Memories that first were scathing turn into something kind
Young love is strewn with flowers bright as early morn
But some flowers like the roses also come with thorns
And upon those thorns we get pierced and we see a little blood
But time is like a plaster that mends you back to love
And now that both our lives are fine and strangers we remain
You remember only good things so it wasn’t all in vain
There are certain cobwebs that just cannot be reached
They dance and stir upon the air they rest on memories beach
Some cobwebs are for keeping
To be snagged on when you’re sleeping
And I send you my love
With a laugh and a smile and a shove

Consume (poem)

Just recently I found myself saying “Over thirty years ago we decided we were all just consumers…and now we’re utter c**ts because of that” So that inspired a wee poem

CONSUME.

I want I want I want it all
Work buy get paid
Hoping to get laid
Give me more stuff
As I work rest
And get played
For that new phone
Over glass I would crawl
I only let Nike
Ever kick at my balls
I need I need I need everything
G string nose ring
Cling to the bling
Only drink this brand
Cos its the real thing
Eat drink
Piss in the sink
Work hard play hard
For everything else there’s MasterCard
I have I have I have all the best stuff
I bet he drinks Carling
He looks kinda rough
Gas coal and oil
The planet it boils
Screw it
Just do it
Who cares if it spoils
If there is shit
Then we’re shovelling it
But we care not a bit
Because we are loving it
This can’t last forever
It’s a fairly safe bet
Is this really
The best a man gets
Consume deplete
Live in compliance
This is the rot
The appliance of science
Advertising hoods
Finger lickin’ good
My health fuck it
Eat shit by the bucket
This credit card’s a git
Don’t leave home without it
We’re ravers and cravers
We’re masters and slavers
Lost sight of ourselves
Should have gone to spec savers
Does this fit that bit
Cashmere fine knit
Close pit job quit
Because we’re really worth shit