CAT IN THE HAT DONALD TRUMP. #WorldPoetryDay

CAT IN THE HAT DONALD TRUMP

I do not like him or his hair

I do not like his angry glare

Or riding on a Camel hump

I do not like that Donald Trump

I do not like his orange face

His policies are a disgrace

I do not like his suit and tie

I do not like his beady eyes

He’s about as smart as Forest Gump

I do not like that Donald Trump

I do not like his fascist chums

And his crazy views on the Muslims

I do not like his tiny hands

I do not like for what he stands

I do not like the things he says

Or where on women his hand lays

He is the chief of all the chumps

I do not like that Donald Trump.

I do not like his Mexican wall

To make them pay takes some gall

He moans about the fake news

I hope it’s giving him the blues

You can only ask him stuff he likes

Just like Hitler and his Third Reich

Get rid of him I do beseech

This president we should impeach

With climate change he’ll do the trees in

He’s not afraid of committing treason

In the bin he should be dumped

I do not like that Donald Trump.

I do not like his nuclear expansion

While living in a gilded mansion

He’s got his hand upon the button

His face is like a cut of mutton

I do not like his Stepford wives

Just look at her she has no live

This man child he is a bully

A simpleton with brain so woolly

This bad man he is a racist

He sees the colour in our faces

He treats women like they are strumpets

He grabs a leg and then he’ll hump it

This planet really took a slump

When they elected Donald Trump.

Indy Ref. 2 A Poem.

I understand your fear
What are we walking into?
Just look at all the foodbanks
Are you up for joining that queue?
I understand uncertainty
Of our countries destination
It’s all the fault of immigrants
Is the bigots proclamation
That’s the fear they’ll try to spread
Demonising the unknown
But we have bigger family
In that  European zone
I understand your caution
To have heedfulness is wise
“We’ll give you more of your own say”
Do you still believe those lies?
But what about the economy
Our pay will take a squeeze
So put your trust in bankers
There’s nothing they won’t seize
The way they treat a worker
Is more akin to robbery
You’ll break your back, work endless shift
As they shove you into poverty
But what about the NHS
They say it’s safe with them
As you queue for beds eternally
Until your life’s condemned
You see I understand uncertainty
What are we walking into?
But surely now you know
This is the last chance for a breakthrough
I understand uncertainty.
But what shall we become
I’m not sure, but look at this list
And you’ll know what you’re walking from.

Celebrity Deaths 2016…Poem.

When you kicked off we were all crying No Way!
That can’t be the end of our David Bowie.
But the Reaper this year had a much bigger plan.
As he moved straight on to Alan Rickman
Seems we’re not immortal like Wolverine Logan.
As the house wives wept for old Terry Wogan
Even a Mockingbird death he would kill.
Turns out Harper Lee was feeling quite ill.
By the time he took out producer George Martin
We’re beginning to think, “this Death guys just startin'”
Paul Daniels didn’t like this, not even a lot
Then in Deaths grasp he was finally caught
The reaper moved on in an endless orbit
And it’s goodnight from him, wee Ronnie Corbett
Why are you taking the great and the good?
Oh come on man, not Victoria Wood
This slaughter of yours is making us wince
We’re not even sure what was wrong with Prince
Every week sees another, who is the latest?
Muhammad Ali no longer the greatest
The situation was getting fair bonkers
As Gene Wilders heart went a bit Wonka
But Death just continued, and he danced and he turned
Time to stop spinning Mr Pete Burns
Next was our U.N.C.L.E dear Robert Vaughn
Out like a light, then he was gone
And on and then on and then on he kept goin’
A last Hallelujah for nice Mr Cohen
What is it with you and these folks we adore?
Next up on his list goes Zsa Zsa Gabor
Death just continues, relentless his cycle
You really are kidding, it can’t be George Michael
We are your fans, this year’s made us blue
Goodbye Carrie Fisher, he’s finally through

 

 

 

 

 

Vaping Vs. Smoking

This is a genuine conversation that unfolded in a train station yesterday…. 

 

MAN. Oi! You cant smoke there.
ME. I’m not smoking mate its a vape.
MAN. Yeah but that’s the same thing.
ME. Its not mate. Its a very different thing. I’m totally with you on the smoking thing though. We should just have them all shot.
MAN.(After looking a bit confused). Look just cos its electronic doesn’t make it different. There’s still secondary smoke.
ME. There isn’t mate it vapour. Look what comes out of your kettle.
MAN Smoke!

It was around this point I realised this was a debate I could never win.