Mind Map

Recently I had a poem published. That was nice. I’m going to enter the same competition next year but for a full body of work I need around 60. So far I’ve got about…err…ten. (And describing some of them as poems is taking that term loosely) So am committing to this in earnest. The piece below came from a writing exercise around mind mapping…but I thought they made a nice collection of words.

MIND MAP.

As I map I think first of the senses of the head.
I am reminded of a joke, “Why do we have nightmares? Isn’t our brain supposed to be on our side?”
I think of youth and a heavy Sunday paper round while listening to The Smiths.
I love to dance, but not as much as I used to.
The countryside is where I grew up.
My mother is old and suffers arthritis.
I like applause.
Making people laugh is as much a duty as it is a joy.
I fight the bully. This was among my dads best advice.
I had a motorbike accident. Lucky.
After 20 years I finally quit smoking. Why did I do that to myself?

A Geordie Rhapsody.

I’ve posted this under poem but that’s stretching it. A bit of fun parody…

A GEORDIE RHAPSODY
(To the tune of the more famous one)
I’ve been to pick up cigarettoes for me mam.
Hole in roof of ma hoose
Got a problem with me cash flow
Sunderland is frightening.
They’re always bloody fighting me.
Canny pay no, canny pay no, canny pay no for ma loan
I’m just a Geordie from a poor family
He’s just a Geordie from a poor family
Blaming me wife for me burnt sausages
Easy come easy go will we score a goal
Oh why man no
We will not score a goal
Oh why man no
We never score a goal
Score a goal, score a goal
Nae, nae, nae, nae, nae, nae, nae
Bring us Keegan, Bring us Keegan
Bring us Keegan he scored goals.
Just leave us a stottie on the end
Of the sideboard please.
For me
Geordieeeeee.

 

For The Love Of Star Wars.

I went to see Rogue One and thought it excellent. For me the first in the franchise to really address that it’s all about war…which then inspired this poem.

FOR THE LOVE OF STAR WARS.

Not so long a time ago,
In a galaxy where we stay.
An empire rose and then it fell.
Some rebels had their day.
One world war.
Two world wars.
Have three and then it’s see ya.
War’s an endless franchise.
Like Luke and Han and Leia.
The need to end such turmoil,
Cannot enough be stressed.
If only Presidents and Prime Ministers
with Jedi rational were blessed.
They lied about a phantom menace
in the rubble of Iraq.
We got the oil, a million dead.
An empire striking back.
Despite it all the people fight.
Here’s bloodshed and defiance.
Like Obi Wan in desert sands,
a Persian rebel alliance.
Are we as a moment now at our end of rope.
Or can a fairy tale inspire,
and bring us a new hope.
So when you hear of refugees
From Syria to Mogadishu.
Spare their blasted lives a thought,
and may the force be with you.

Imaginary B-Sides. Number 1.OASIS… PIE IN THE SKY

Number on in a short series of songs that don’t exist…but maybe should…

IMAGINARY B – SIDES NUMBER 1.

OASIS… PIE IN THE SKY.

Pie in the Sky.

Oh my oh my, We’re oh so high

We’re in the sky, like we can fly.

And when I look at youououououou

I’d like to smash you in the pie.

 

Cos we can’t be in the same room as each other.

Like Kane and Able we’re brother on brother.

And when you stand next to meeeee

If you were on fire

Well I wouldn’t peeeee.

 

Oh my oh my, We’re oh so high

We’re in the sky, like we can fly.

And when I look at youououououou

I’d like to smash you in the pie.

 

You took the fun out of our holiday summer.

Pissed on my castle you’re a total bummer

I don’t think you can even seeee

When we’re on stage

They hate you not meeeee

 

Oh my oh my, We’re oh so high

We’re in the sky, like we can fly.

And when I look at youououououou

I’d like to smash you in the pie.

 

Your such a twat you’re more southern than northern.

The worst thing to see is your face in the morning.

You think you’re the king of the beeeees

If you come around.

I’ll take you out at the kneeees.

 

Oh my oh my, We’re oh so high

We’re in the sky, like we can fly.

And when I look at youououououou

I’d like to smash you in the pie.

 

On the anniversary of Thatchers Death (song)

Anniversary celebrations…

This just popped up as a Facebook memory. I wrote it on the day of her death. Trust me the sentiment still stands.

BYE BYE THATCHER

 

(Sung to the tune of Bye Bye Blackbird)

 

Cut back all our care and dole

So much woe

No tears to show

Bye Bye Thatcher

When nobody weeps for thee

On the street protesters meet

Bye bye Thatcher

 

You showed us no love or understanding

So Satan’s mark upon your arse is branded

Get out of bed, fight and strike

Go rioting ‘till late at night

Thatcher Bye bye

SADO SCOTTISH NATIONALIST POEM.

The following is a poem by an imagined character called Rubber Burns who is a sado-masochist and Scottish Nationalist. He has no resemblance to the author AT ALL!

MY SAFETY WORD IS FREEDOM.
My name is Rubber Burns, Poet, Sadomasochist and Scottish Nationalist.
Although freedom is confusing when I’m bound both legs and wrist.
I discovered these quirks as a teenager, robust and in fine fettle.
When I felt a stirring doon below after falling in some nettles.

It is the Scottish bondage dilemma, for self-government we do hanker
So let’s give a right good thrashing to these effete and Tory wankers.

Because I prefer a battered sausage shared with the clan McLeod.
So bust my Willie with a bicycle pump. It’s what gets me aroused.

Years of bourgeois rip off rules has left the north with no pot to piss in
Even though being beat for mercies sake is the Scots default position.

When I shout Freedom it means stop this, for that’s my safety word.
Having leaders we never voted for to me seems quite absurd.
And I hold nothing personally against the good folks that live down south.
But how can I tell you I love you when you’re pissing in my mouth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Perils of Heavy Metal (poem)

The Perils of Heavy Metal.

 

A wesome songs of sexy ladies and blowing up your stuff

C ertainly the champions of heavy metal shows

D idn’t know to be a fan would send my head quite duff

C os head banging constantly, flings your brain right down your nose