When bigotry goes mainstream.

“Migrants with HIV should be banned from entering the UK” So sayeth the grand pooba of lowest common denominator politics Nigel Farage upon his latest victory in a by-election. No matter how you dress it up this is bigotry.

I did a gig recently for a bunch of trade unionists where I did a routine about UKIP. Afterwards an activist said I shouldn’t portray UKIP as fascists because “if I cry wolf then the wolf may just show up.” I pointed out that as a comedian it’s my job to exaggerate and demonise and if you take jokes literally they lose their impact. But it really brought home to me how mainstream and accepted UKIP have become to both left and right. Let’s not forget it’s only been about 20 odd months since David Cameron described them as a bunch of racist fruit cakes.

Here’s how the routine goes.

“So have we any UKIP supporters in tonight? OK no need to shout out just raise your hands” (I THEN THROW UP A NAZI SALUTE)

“So Nigel Farage actually made a racist comment in the European elections. When asked he said, he wouldn’t want Romanians living next door to him. now, no matter how you dress it up that’s a racist remark. However, next day he got away with it in the press because he said he was tired. And that was that!”

“Really? Is that how you become a racist? look I’ve never driven 6 hours back from Wales, knackered at the end of the day. You know how you’re just sitting there in your chair drifting off?”

(I THEN ACT AS IF IM DOSING OFF) “Oh man I’m so tired…I wish I could just…just go…just go and…round up the darkies!”

“SHIT! What happened there? I’m sorry I was tired! I had no idea what I was saying.” (THEN START TO FEIGN FALLING ASLEEP AGAIN) “I’m just so tired…I just want to…just want to get off…get off…and…and burn the poofters !”

“OH SHIT!I did again. Oh this is dreadful. every time I nod off I become some kind of xenophobe. My God don’t let me go to bed I might turn the sheets into an outfit.”

“What’s happening here? Are we sleepwalking into fascism? Maybe that’s why it’s called YOU-KIP.” 

Now in my defence I don’t really think I said they were fascists. What I hope I implied though is that parties like UKIP may be the perfect breeding ground for much less palatable policies than many of their already fairly dubious standings.

Just in yesterdays Sunday Independent there’s an article on the way Farage dresses. Admittedly the writer of the article fashion editor Alexander Fury points out that Farages  adoption of dressing like a country gent is to reassure us of an old Englishness from days of yore and that what lies beneath is a more mercenary idealist.

The article didn’t cause me any real concern. It was the front page ad for the article that caught my attention. Here’s what it said.

HOW TO WEAR CAMOFARAGE. Nigel seems to be the one to watch, so should the other party leaders follow suit?

Doesn’t this strike you as tonally quite pro Farage? And this is the Independent a proposed liberal broadsheet. We now seem to be on first name terms with the man. the more formal full naming or calling him by his surname is gone. It also could suggest at a glanced reading his policies are out in front and the rest of Westminster needs to catch up.

I’m sure there is many an article written on media manipulation. What’s going on with the Kippers at the moment though is of serious concern. From “racists” to dapper dandies in 20 odd months is quite a leap. Now we’re being told they are to get a debating platform in the lead to the election. All fine and well by me in the name of democracy, but where is the Greens and SNPs platform? Surely they’re also experiencing a political surge as people turn to alternative votes from the Westminster three? Yeah but it’s just not as…err…British?

This is a dangerous game the media are playing. Personally I think UKIP are dangerous and a breeding ground for future nasties. I also think anyone who votes UKIP is a fucking moron. Sorry if I sound a bit bigoted there…but I’m tired.

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Never forget the miners strike.

I come from a mining area and in the past year it has been my pleasure to make connections with the former miners and their trade union representatives in the North East of England.

This came to be after I invited Durham miners secretary Davy Hopper to come be interviewed on a live comedy panel show  I do at The stand Comedy club Newcastle called Sod the Tories and have a nice week. you can follow our Facebook page here…

On the night Davy presented us with an inspirational talk that moved some of the audience to tears while others gave him a standing ovation. As I mentioned it’s been my pleasure to get to know him and his comrades, he’s a remarkable man, with a great wit and a heart the size of a small planet. I’ve also come to learn not just of the driven activist he was during the miners strike but how he and others have maintained a stunning link with local communities that is active and representative of peoples needs as it was during that turbulent year.

Yesterday I was invited to speak after a commemorative service to celebrate 150 years of trade unionism since the death of Thomas Hepburn.  I was expecting to turn up to a well attended but smaller event than what I walked into.

St. Marys church in Heworth was full to capacity. The mayors and other gentry were in full attendance from all local cities as were a couple of hundred trade unionist and political editor of the Daily Mirror Kevin Maguire. It was a great service and Kevin gave a stunning speech referencing the exploitation of child labour that existed in the pits of the time with the current problems we still have with child labour and exploitative employers now 150 years later.

After the service we headed to a workers club and I did my turn as comedian for the afternoon. I had to work a wee bit but I’ll take pulling the audience up to three rounds of applause as a win. During my set a bit chatter started and somebody pointed out it was the mayor, to which I remarked “fuck the mayor” much to the audiences delight and his general chagrin…I’ll take that as a win as well.

Sadly I had to leave early to attend a work commitment. I could happily spend a fortnight sitting drinking and talking with these great folk.

During the day it was discussed as to why my comedy has taken this more political direction and my affinity with miners in general. As mentioned I am from these areas. Earlier this year I was asked into a debate on BBC radio asking the question “isn’t it time we let the miners strike be a thing of the past.” …Never was my answer.

If we had won the miners strike workers in this country wouldn’t be in the mess we are now. When was the last time you had a decent holiday? Yes it’s been a while for many of us. Economic inequality has grown more in the past 30 years in the UK than in any other country on the PLANET! (I got that wee fact off Wikipedia.)

But there’s another reason I’ll never forget. I had a cousin Michael. He was among the most gentle, mannered and decent of people. During the miners strike he was found to be secondary picketing and was blacklisted. During the 80s if you were a blacklisted miner that meant you would not get work. He spent a very long period unemployed. While on the dole he took up a days work on the side picking potatoes for a local farmer. I imagine he probably worked a full day for a pittance. Some money to get some food perhaps. you can argue the rights or wrong but what was done to him next was inhuman. He was discovered working had all benefits stopped (remember he was seeking work but wouldn’t be employed) and was put on the street…homeless. after a period he took his own life. I’m crying now just thinking of him. He was a lovely man.

So if you’re ever asked “shouldn’t we just forget the strike and move on?”  Please don’t. If for nothing else at least for the memory of my cousin.

There’s a new film titled Still the Enemy Within screening at the Tyneside cinema on Oct 22nd. I urge you to see it if you get the chance.

Life as a U2 “fan?”

When they were first coming to prominence I hated them. All this nonsense of “There’s been a lot of talk about this next song. This is not a rebel song. This is Sunday Bloody Sunday” Tosser! Me and a whole world of other indie kids thought. If you’d said it was a rebel song I might be interested.
But the bastards wouldn’t go away would they. Pride (in the name of love) came next and me and a whole world of other indie kids quietly said to ourselves actually that one’s quite good. But you’re still a tosser…and the mullet is getting worse.
The first time I read about The Joshua Tree was in the NME. The phrase that sticks in my mind is “they’ve finally released the album we all thought they might be capable of” 5 stars.
I certainly wasn’t convinced by the opening single With or Without You. However that third single Where the Streets Have No Name…Ah now wait a minute…that sounds like one of the best songs ever recorded. A Space Oddity or Mr Blue Sky for the 80s…but fuck em. They were really tedious at Live Aid. And you still need to fix that mullet…oh hang on he’s grown it out.
Next comes Angel of Harlem, “Edge play the blues” and let’s face it a stunning rendition of Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For with a full blown gospel choir. At around this time I win ten grand on the pools. Bugger it, I think I’ll get The Joshua Tree and Rattle and Hum…I’ve got a few grand to spare. I can maybe allow myself the odd frivolity.
Move on a year or so… I love these albums. There’s a lot on their other albums I like too.
So Achtung Baby is their first release under me now having become a “proper” fan. It’s a masterpiece. The bastards, I’m in too deep now. I go to see them live on that tour. It’s phenomenal and they seem to be taking the piss out of themselves and any over sincere fans that might be left.
More experimental albums follow. Mixed but good. In 2000 they release another belter in the shape of All that You Can’t Leave Behind.
Next album treading water, album after that dull as dishwater.
Get up the other day to find their latest thing has been snuck under my pillow by the U2 fairy. I can only feel a tad sorry for the other half a billion folk probably not too happy about the fact the U2 fairy has indiscriminately been invading their personal space. How corporate are you guys going to get?
Finally sit down to properly listen to the album on me I-pod. The second half produced by Danger Mouse is excellent…and there’s stuff in the first half that’s getting under my skin. That makes it a good U2 album (in my own personal U2 journey) Have now been listening to it for a couple of weeks and think it excellent.
 Tossers. Even as a fan I could have lived with it being all over. They’re like Coke. You either drink it or you don’t.
Tip for the future… grow the mullet back. Might make you retro chic.

Do they have a future? Probably. Bloody hell…here we go again.