Twitter Controversy. (280 Characters)

Oh we are the sentence managers.
With 280 characters.
We’re widening parameters.
Changing the word count barriers.
Celebrate, slide down the banister.
Or take up a job as a barrister.
No more cramming thoughts into a 140 character, orator, canister.
It’s now 280 characters. #280

The Young Conservative Rap.

With appearances at Glastonbury and support from the UK Grime scene  Jeremy Corbyn is making huge inroads with the youth vote. Rumours abound that Tory HQ are trying to figure out how to connect with UK “yoof” themselves. Apparently the Young Conservatives have even released their own rap.  

We are the Tories and we are street.
Well we are if your dad is one of the elites.
To get a majority we just weren’t able.
But if you shout strong we say stable.
Kids don’t wanna pay no student fees.
But there’s no magic money tree.
Unless you’re a member of the D.U.P.
Fuck the Pope.
He’s not dope.
There’s a poor person.
Have some soap.
Word.
Douglas Hurd.
Strong and stable.
Fuck the disabled.
You wanna hear more.
Shout fuck the poor.
Fuck the poor.
Fuck the poor.
Fuck the poor.
When it comes to cruelty we can’t beaten.
Cos we’re the toff massive and we come from Eton.
There’s no pay rise for the public sector.
We got the same principles as Hannibal Lecter.
If you can’t eat it’s us you thank.
Just get in line at the nearest foodbank.
We’re not really gangsta’ like Dr Dre
But we like running in the fields with Theresa May.
Been spending most our lives
Living in a tax haven paradise.
Of the NHS we shall be rid
To Richard Branson or the highest bid.
It’s all down to our homie Jeremy Hunt
Ladedadedumdum…yup he’s a c**t
One time
Two time
Three times and we stop your benefits.

 

 

 

Populism (A very short and rather basic poem)

POPULISM (A very short poem)

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

I’m neither left nor right just full of shite.

Repeat until elected…

 

Celebrity deaths 2016. #WorldPoetryDay

When you kicked off we were all crying No Way!
That can’t be the end of our David Bowie.
But the Reaper this year had a much bigger plan.
As he moved straight on to Alan Rickman
Seems we’re not immortal like Wolverine Logan.
As the house wives wept for old Terry Wogan
Even a Mockingbird death he would kill.
Turns out Harper Lee was feeling quite ill.
By the time he took out producer George Martin
We’re beginning to think, “this Death guys just startin’”
Paul Daniels didn’t like this, not even a lot
Then in Deaths grasp he was finally caught
The reaper moved on in an endless orbit
And it’s goodnight from him, wee Ronnie Corbett
Why are you taking the great and the good?
Oh come on man, not Victoria Wood
This slaughter of yours is making us wince
We’re not even sure what was wrong with Prince
Every week sees another, who is the latest?
Muhammad Ali no longer the greatest
The situation was getting fair bonkers
As Gene Wilders heart went a bit Wonka
But Death just continued, and he danced and he turned
Time to stop spinning Mr Pete Burns
Next was our U.N.C.L.E dear Robert Vaughn
Out like a light, then he was gone
And on and then on and then on he kept goin’
A last Hallelujah for nice Mr Cohen
What is it with you and these folks we adore?
Next up on his list goes Zsa Zsa Gabor
Death just continues, relentless his cycle
You really are kidding, it can’t be George Michael
We are your fans, this year’s made us blue
Goodbye Carrie Fisher, he’s finally through

 

CAT IN THE HAT DONALD TRUMP. #WorldPoetryDay

CAT IN THE HAT DONALD TRUMP

I do not like him or his hair

I do not like his angry glare

Or riding on a Camel hump

I do not like that Donald Trump

I do not like his orange face

His policies are a disgrace

I do not like his suit and tie

I do not like his beady eyes

He’s about as smart as Forest Gump

I do not like that Donald Trump

I do not like his fascist chums

And his crazy views on the Muslims

I do not like his tiny hands

I do not like for what he stands

I do not like the things he says

Or where on women his hand lays

He is the chief of all the chumps

I do not like that Donald Trump.

I do not like his Mexican wall

To make them pay takes some gall

He moans about the fake news

I hope it’s giving him the blues

You can only ask him stuff he likes

Just like Hitler and his Third Reich

Get rid of him I do beseech

This president we should impeach

With climate change he’ll do the trees in

He’s not afraid of committing treason

In the bin he should be dumped

I do not like that Donald Trump.

I do not like his nuclear expansion

While living in a gilded mansion

He’s got his hand upon the button

His face is like a cut of mutton

I do not like his Stepford wives

Just look at her she has no live

This man child he is a bully

A simpleton with brain so woolly

This bad man he is a racist

He sees the colour in our faces

He treats women like they are strumpets

He grabs a leg and then he’ll hump it

This planet really took a slump

When they elected Donald Trump.